He Gets Really Jealous. It Makes Him Act So DOminant And SEXY!" "I
Guess She Really LOves Me Because She Went Over And Beat Up My Ex When
She FOund Out My Ex And I Were Talking Again." And NOw A FamOus QuOte,
"If I'M The One WhO Killed Her..... After She Started Seeing That
Other Guy..... DOesn't That PrOve I Really LOved Her?" After All,
JealOusy PrOves LOve, DOesn't It?
ThOse Are Real Life QuOtes Representing The Spectrum Of HOw Large
Number Of PeOple Think AbOut LOve And JealOusy In The MOdern WOrld.
ThOse QuOtes AlsO ShOw HOw Large Parts Of Our Culture Teach Or
SubcOnciously PrOgram PeOple To Mis-Understand The RelatiOnship
Between LOve And JealOusy.
In My Phase Of COunseling, I've Mingled With AlOt Of PeOple WhO Have
PrOblems With Jealousy.
Frequently They Are Very SeriOus PrOblems That Start Little, But BlOw
Into A MOnster. SOmetimes I Hear Things Like, "DD, I'm Jealous So
DOesn't That PrOve I Really LOve"... So-And-So. My Answer Is Usually
SOmething Like, "I'm SOrry To Say That In My Understanding JealOusy
DOesn't PrOve LOVE. It PrOves Insecurity"
In Essence JealOusy Is Replacement Fear. When YOu're Jealous YOu Are
Afraid Of Being Replaced By AnOther PersOn In The Heart, Mind And Life
Of SOmeOne YOu Find ImpOrtant. When YOu Are JealOus, YOu're Usually In
A State Of NOt Trusting YOur Own AttractiOn POwer, YOur All-Over Sense
Of Self WOrth, YOur Adequacy, YOur LOvability And Maybe YOur Ability
To Do LOve. Usually WOrking On YOur Own Healthy Self-LOve Is A Big
Part Of Curing The Jealousy PrOblem.
ThOse Good At Health Self LOve DOn't Seem To Experience Much JealOusy.
They AlsO Do A Better JOb Of Generally DOing LOve Well.
Of COurse AnOther Part Of Curing Jealousy PrOblem May InvOlve DOing A
Better JOb Of ShOwing, Receiving And Relating With LOve.
Let's Look Into All This A Little Deeper.....
In SOme Circles It's AlmOst GOspel To Hear If YOu Act 'Crazy JealOus'
It PrOves YOu Really Have Big-Time LOve FOr SOmebOdy. I'M NOt The
First COunselOr WhO Has Heard Messages Like, "I Guess I Will Marry
Him. After All SOmetimes He Get So JealOus He Slaps Me ArOund So I
KnOw It's Real LOve." PeOple WhO Think Like That Often End Up In A
Battered SpOuse PrOgram, Or WOrse. All The Tragic OutcOmes Of PeOple
Believing 'JealOusy Is Evidence Of LOve' Lead Me To Call This Idea One
Of Our MOst Destructive False Teachings AbOut LOve. This Falsity Has
Been ArOund A LOng Time. Way Back In The 1100 The French COurts Of
LOve Decided JealOusy Did PrOve LOve.
This Resulted In Duels And Death And COntinues To This Day As A Lethal
Myth. In SOme Sub-Cultural GrOups Death By JealOusy Still GOes On. In
Today's WOrld Every Day SOmebOdy SOmewhere Kills SOmebOdy Else Because
They're JealOus. SOmetimes They Kill Themselves.
Sadly JealOusy Has COst A LOt Of PeOple Their Lives And Sabotaged Many
Others FrOm Achieving Happy Successful Lives.
TherefOre, I Like To Suggest It Is Never Wise To Take JealOusy
Lightly. Even In Small DOses JealOusy Is WOrrisOme Because It May GrOw
And Eventually DestrOy A PersOn Or An Otherwise POtentially Good LOve
RelatiOnship.
JealOusy Is Based In Fear, NOt In LOve. A Little Bit Of A Jealousy Can
Indicate A Little Sense Of Threat Or Fear Is Occuring. A LOt Of Fear.
With Great Fear Often COmes BIG And HOrrible Mistakes.
JealOusy AlsO Means That In A RelatiOnship SOmething Or SOmeOne Of
SOme ImpOrtance Is In Danger Of Being LOst, Or At Least That Is The
Underling PerceptiOn.
HOwever , It May Have Little Or NOthing To Do With A LOss Of Healthy
Real LOve. MOre Likely The Fear COncerns A LOss Of Pride, Ego, Life
ROle POsitiOn, Infantile Dependency, Status, Security Or SOme Other
NOn-Real LOve FactOr.
Frequently JealOus WOrks SOrt Of Like This: If I Fear I Can't HOld On
To YOu Because My Qualities Are NOt Sufficiently Attractive Or LOvable
I May Get JealOus. With JealOusy Often COmes POssessiveness,
SuspiciOn, Anger, COntroling Acts And A LOt Of Other Negative
BehaviOurs. POwerful DOminatiOn Or Deceitful ManipulatiOns ARE
Attempts To FOrce YOu TO Be With Me, Instead Of Attracting YOu By
BecOming ImprOved, BecOming LOve FOcused And Acting With LOve. With
JealOusy I Fear SOmeOne Better Than Me Will Take YOu Away FrOm Me, And
So I Must Keep YOu FrOm Them And Keep Them Away FrOm YOu. If I Fear
LOsing YOu To SOmeOne Else And My JeaLOusy Is NOt Overwhelming I Can
Attempt To Manipulate YOu With Guilt, Play FOr Sympathy As A Victim,
Or Try To Get YOu To Save Me Or Fix Me, NOne Of Which Has Anything To
Do With Healthy Real LOve. The Fear Basis Of JealOusy AlsO Often Gets
The One WhO Is Jealous To See Threat And Betrayal Where NOne Exists.
InterrogatiOn, Spying, Privacy InvasiOn And Paranoid Ways Are Typical
Of A JealOus PersOn. NOne Of That Represents The BehaviOurs Of Healthy
Real LOve.
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