Here Are FOur Things To Keep In Mind When YOur Man Seems Distant•••
When Talking AbOut The Inner WOrkings Of Human Beings, It Is DangerOus
To GENERALIZE.
ExceptiOns Will Always COnfound Simplistic Answers To COmplex
QuestiOns. Still, Nearly All WOmen Share A FrustratiOn At SOme Time Or
AnOther In A ROmantic RelatiOnships. They Express It SOmething Like
This: "He Seems So Shut DOwn... His Heart Is Like A Safe I Can't Seem
To Crack... I Can't Get Him To Open Up And Talk AbOut What He's
Feeling... Even When He's Physically With Me, He Seems To Be
EmOtiOnally SOmewhere Else."
SOund Familiar? Many New RelatiOnships Have Sputtered Because Of This
COmplaint. But While There Are No Simple SOlutiOns, There Are SOme
Useful Big-Picture Insights IntO Why This May Happen. Understanding
The Root Causes Can Go A LOng Way TOward Creating Ample Middle GrOund
On Which To Build A Healthy RelatiOnship.
YOu First Have To AccOunt FOr The Way Men Are Fundamentally Wired.
Whether YOu Believe GOd Created Males To Be PrOtectors And PrOviders,
Or It Was A Matter Of EvOlutiOn, It's True That FOr Many Millennia Men
MOstly Kept The COmpany Of Other Men, Hunting, Engaging In War, And So
On. The Skills Needed FOr That Lifestyle Did NOt Include The Ability
To Verbalize One's Deep Feelings- And With Good ReasOn. By The Time
That Man GOt Stuff Off His Chest, The Herd, Or The Battle, Had Either
Killed Him Or Left Him Behind.
Fast FOrward To TOday's Male, ThOse Instincts Are Still In A Man's
DNA, HOwever Much The Times Have MOved On. And He Still UndergOes A
SOcial "Natural SelectiOn" Of SOrts, Beginning At An Early Age, Which
Rewards Reticence Over Chattiness Everytime.
It Is This COmbinatiOn Of Influences That Makes It Difficult FOr Him
To Open Up To The WOman In His Life. Here's Why:
1• MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY:
While WOmen Judge An Event By HOw It Makes Them Feel, Men Are MOre
Likely To WOnder What It Means FOr Their Sense Of COmpetence And
Strength. Will This Make Me StrOnger Or Weaker? He Is AlsO Thinking:
Will This Help Me Get The Girl? It Isn't That A Man DOesn't Have
Feelings; Rather, He PrOritizes Them Differently Than WOmen. COmpared
To ActiOn And Tangible Effects, Feelings Strike Him As Insubstantial
And Irrelevant•
2• MEN AND WOMEN COMMUNICATE DIFFERENTLY:
Research Has Revealed That The Average Female Uses Nearly Twice As
Many WOrds In The COurse Of A Given Day As A Typical Male. It Is
Tempting FOr WOmen To Assume This Is A COnsciOus ChOice He Makes. It
Isn't. He's NOt Being Evasive. He's NOt Playing Cat-And-MOuse Mind
Games Or PurpOsely Making Life Difficult FOr YOu. He's Simply Being
What He Is-A MAN.
Pressuring Him To Be SOmething Else Entirely Is An Exercise In
Futility And FrustratiOn. SURE, Express YOur Feelings, And EncOurage
Him To Do The Same. But Let Go Of The ExpectatiOn That There Is A
Shakespeare In There SOmewhere, If Only He'd Open Up•
3• UNLIKE GIRLS, BOYS GROW UP PLAYING GAMES THAT DON'T ACCOUNT FOR FEELINGS:
As Children, Girls' Play Typically Centers On SOcial InteractiOn
(DOlls, HOuse, Tea Parties). BOys Play Warfare Games, COps And
RObbers, COwboys And Indians-Good-Guy-Versus-Bad-Guy Scenarios. MOdern
Parents WhO Refuse To Buy TOy WeapOns FOr Their BOys- Because They Are
COncerned By The Prevalence Of ViOlence In The WOrld- Are Often
Dismayed When The Kitchen MOp BecOmes A Rifle And Every Stick Outside
Is A SwOrd. Perhaps In Our FOrgotten Past, Tribal COmmunities
COnsidered This A Good Sign, Since Survival WOuld One Day Depend On
The Little Guy's Skill As A WarriOr Or Hunter. The POint Is, Even NOw
BOys At Play Enact ROles That Minimize EmOtiOnal Awareness.
Later In Life, That Translates IntO An Inability To COmprehend The
Layers Of EmOtiOnal Nuance Their Partners Expect FrOm Them, Much Less
To Talk AbOut It•
4• BOYS ARE CONDITIONED TO AVOID THE APPEARANCE OF WEAKNESS LIKE A PLAGUE:
As Much As We Try To Deny It In MOdern Civilized Culture, There Is A
Pecking Order In Human SOcial Structures That Begins To DevelOp The
Minute We Step IntO The School PlaygrOund. BOys JOckey FOr POsitiOn
And Prestige, Especially In The Eyes Of The On-Looking Girls. The
Other BOys Will Punish Mercilessly FOr Any Sign Of SOftness-But,
What's WOrse, The Girls Might AlsO. It DOesn't Take LOng FOr A BOy To
Realize The BEST Way To Stay On TOp Is To Never, Ever Let AnyOne See
His DOubts, Fears, And WOunds.
Years Later, When The WOman In His Life Asks Him To Open Up And Share
His Feelings, He May Even Sense He's Being Led IntO A Trap And Circle
His EmOtional WagOns. He'd Rather Endure Her FrustratiOn At His
Guardedness Than Risk LOsing Everything In A MOment Of Transparent
Vulnerability•
Here's SOme Good News: NOne Of This Is As TOxic To ROmantic
RelatiOnships As SOme WOuld Have YOu Believe. Awareness And
Understanding Are POwerful Magnets That Can Draw YOu ClOser TOgether.
Being Realistic AbOut HOw YOur Man's Mind WOrks Is A Good First Step
In Learning HOw To Meet Him In The Middle•
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