1) ACT HOW YOU FEEL (WITHIN REASON):
We've All Been ArOund ThOse COuples Bickering ViOlently In Public Or
Making Nasty Passive Aggressive Jabs All The Time. When We Air Our
Dirty Laundry Too Readily, We Make Other FOlks So UncOmfOrtable They
May StOp Hanging Out With Us. On The Other Hand, Pretending YOur
RelatiOnship Is Flawless Is Lame Too. We All Do It At Times. We Act
Like Everything's Fine When It's NOt. We Fight In The Car And Then Get
Out And HOld Hands All ThrOugh Dinner Until We Get Back In The Car And
Go AnOther ROund. So HOw Do We Strike The Right Balance?
I Find There Are Ways To Be Real With PeOple WithOut Turning YOur
SOcial Gatherings Into GrOup COuples' Therapy. If YOu Are Talking To A
Friend And Feeling Upset By YOur Partner, Tell Them That Itz OK To
Have Weeks, Or Even MOnths Where YOu Are With The Right PersOn,
Feeling Trapped Or Tempted To Cheat, Or Embroiled In What Can Feel
Like Never-Ending COnflict. What A Relief It WOuld Be To Admit To Each
Other What We Are Feeling, And KnOw That Others Will Understand, And
NOt Assume Our RelatiOnships Or Ourselves Are Fatally Flawed•
2) DEMAND REALISTIC POTRAYALS OF RELATIONSHIPS:
When YOu See RelatiOnships Presented In An Unrealistic Light, Say So.
WOnder AlOud Why A Certain COuple Feels The Need To Act Like They Are
Madly In LOve Every MOment, When After 10yearz, We All KnOw That's
Unlikely. COmment AbOut HOw Much YOu'd Like To See A Film That Seems
To Reflect The Ups And DOwnS Of YOur RelatiOnship Experience, Or That
COvers Anything Other Than The Beginning Stages. JOke AbOut HOw
Amazing It Is That On TelevisiOn Men And WOmen Always Seem To Orgasm
Easily And At The Same Time•
3) NORMALIZE OUTSIDE ATTRACTIONS:
I Have A LOt Of FOlks COme To See Me Either Feeling HOrribly Guilty
That They Fantasize AbOut PeOple Other Than Their Partner, Or HOrribly
Offended That Their Partner Looks At Other PeOple With Sexual
Interest. The Part Of Our Brains That Finds Humans Sexually And
ROmantically Appealing DOesn't Die Off When We COmmit To SOmeOne. If
Our GOal Is MOnOgamy, We Need To Realize That That Is A GOal FOr Our
BehaviOr, NOt FOr Our ThOughts. It's NOt ReasOnable To Ask PeOple To
COntrOl Their ThOughts, And I WOuld Argue It Is Actually A Bad Idea.
Fantasy Is Natural, And Can Even Be Exciting FOr COuples. Hearing YOur
Partner's Fantasies Can Help YOu See Them As A Separate And Sexual
PersOn Again, Rather Than That Lame Guy WhO Can't Go To Bed Unless The
Sink Is Empty Of Dishes. Try Being Open With YOur Partner About YOur
Fantasies, Celebrity Crushes, And Even YOur Real-Life TemptatiOns.
This Way YOu Can Bring Them Out In The Open, JOke AbOut Them, Bring
Them Into The Bedroom And ROle Play Them, Or In SOme Cases POssibly
Decide To Open Up YOur RelatiOnship. Whatever The BOundaries Of Our
RelatiOnships, Our Minds Are GOing To Transgress Them. This DOes NOt
Mean We DOn't LOve Our Partners Or Are Dissatisfied In Any Way. It
Means We Are Human•
4) TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT SEX:
Am Currently Training To Be A SEX Therapist, And I Can't Believe The
Number Of PeOple WhO Talk To Me AbOut SEX Once They Find That Out. I
Realize I'M Training To Help PeOple WhO Have PrOblems, But I Am Yet To
Have AnyOne COme To Me And RepOrt That They Are Having Amazing Sex And
Are TOtally Satisfied. A Great Many Of Them Tell Me AbOut PrOblems And
FrustratiOns That They've Never Talked To AnyOne AbOut, Often NOt Even
Their Partners.
We Need To StOp Perpetuating The Myth That We All KnOw Exactly HOw To
Have GREAT SEX With LOng-Term Partner Year After Year, And That We
DOn't Need AnyOne Else's Input. One Of The Things I LOve AbOut SEX
Therapy Is HOw Easy Many Sexual PrOblems Are To Fix. Often They Simply
Stem FrOm Lack Of InfOrmatiOn, Feeling Ashamed AbOut Things That Are
Perfectly NOrmal, And/Or Failing To COmmunicate With Our Partners. If
We Talked AbOut SEX, We WOuld NOt Only See That MOst Of Us Have SOme
Room FOr ImprOvement, But Be Able To Share What's WOrked And What
Hasn't, Saving Others And OurSelves Unnecessary BAD SEX•
5) EXPECT TO WORK HARD:
THE Fantasy That If We Are With The Perfect PersOn, Our RelatiOnship
Will Be Easy, And That Everything In Our Lives Will Fall Into Place Is
Actually Damaging To Our Chances Of Sticking Out A LOng-Term
Partnership. If We Expect To Feel KnOwn And Understood, Attractive And
Attracted, To Never Be LOnely, To Never Look At AnyOne Else, To Never
Have DOubts, And FOr Our Partners To Magically Making Our Lives
EmOtionally FULL And LOgistically Easy, We Ard In A Rude Awakening,
PersOnally, I'd Rather Be A Partner To SOmeOne With Slightly LOwer
ExpectatiOns Than That. I Believe That In RelatiOnships, We Are Doomed
To Fail Each Other In SOme Ways No Matter What. That Is The NATURE Of
Human RelatiOnships, Because It Is The Nature Of Human Beings. We Are
Imperfect. But If We Expect A Flawed Partner And Flawed Partnership,
It's A LOt Easier To Manage The DisappointmeNT When ThOse Flaws
BecOme Apparent Than If We Have Been Expecting "Happily Ever After" To
Be Literal•
♣<<GREATMINDZ INC>>♣ ™ Copyright © 2013•
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